Friday, February 4, 2011

Almost A Maternity Shoot...

(Originally posted 1/26/11)

Like many other mamas out there, I plan on doing a maternity photoshoot later on in my pregnancy -- probably at around 7 months. Right now, even though my baby bump is very visible, it still can be mistaken for just your average big belly... so it's still a bit early to sign up with my maternity photographer...

HOWEVER -- when my friend/coworker, who is also an awesome photographer, told me about a Valentine's Day photoshoot special she was having, I jumped at the opportunity! She specializes in boudoir photography, but was willing to take me on as a subject even though I'm obviously not in boudoir-shape!






I had such an amazing time during the photoshoot! Desiree made me feel super relaxed and confident about my preggo body. We decided that we wouldn't try to hide it, but we wouldn't be emphasizing my belly bump either.



I definitely would do it again... and would recommend others to do it, too! I left the shoot feeling really good about myself -- and with all the pressure that Hollywood and the media give us about how we should look, all women should feel empowered with their bodies!



Click here to check out Desiree's other work!

Week 18...

(Originally posted on 1/24/11)



First off, let me just say that my face and hair look all sorts of whack in this pic because it was taken at the end of a looong day. In the previous weeks, the pictures were taken right after getting ready for the day... I don't mean to be so vain, but ya know -- I'm putting my picture out there for all of the internets to see, so I felt this photo needed a disclosure... and I guess I'm kinda vain, too.

How far along?: 18 weeks, 2 days

Baby's Size: about 6 inches (the size of an heirloom tomato - what's that?), and 8.5 oz

Bellybutton: Still in!

Stretchmarks: None... I think! There is a small red mark near the bottom of my belly.. is that the first sign of a stretch mark?! It's too early!! I have lots more growing to go!!!!! For now, I'm going to believe I scratched myself...

Maternity Clothes: Still in "regular" clothes, but I'm running out of options!

Sex: May be able to find out this Wednesday!!! Official appointment not until 2/4. I've been dreaming of little girls a lot lately though...

Movement: I'm PRETTY sure I've started feeling it kick... but they come and go so quick that when I realize it's happening, it stops doing it!

Sleep: Sleeping on my side... and having very lucid dreams.

Symptoms: Threw up just once this past week! Woohoo! Waking up with very light headaches, but they go away as soon as I have my morning cup of water!

Food Aversions: None.

Food Cravings: Milk Tea with Boba pearls!!!

What I miss: Seeing my feet...ha - jk, I can still see the tips of my toes. But I certainly miss wearing my heels on a daily basis! I only have 3-4 flats that I rotate between and that is NOT enough options!

What I Am Looking Forward to: Next OB-GYN appt is on Wednesday and 3D appointment on 2/4!!!! Also... hubs and I are leaving for Hawaii on Thursday for a week! Probowl here we come!

Milestones:

As mentioned earlier, I'm pretty sure I've felt the baby move around in my belly... but there hasn't been a super strong kick that I can say with 100% certainty was the baby. However, I can say that I'm starting to feel all sorts of pregnant again and it feels lovely!



Preggo Dreams...


They say with all the extra hormones floating around in your body during pregnancy, you tend to have weird dreams.

Boy, are they right!

Though I'm sure the boost in hormones has a lot to do with the vivid dreams I've been having lately, another cause of all the strangeness is probably all the excitement and fear that us mamas feel about the changes that will soon come with having a baby to look after. On the months leading up to my wedding, I also woke up to some crazy dreams (i.e. Mathew and I got married at Brad Pitt's mansion but I left right after the ceremony because my mom and I wanted to go to a huge Macy's sale), so stress and anticipation are definitely other contributing factors.


Anyway, I thought it'd be fun to jot down all the weird pregnancy related dreams I've had and will probably have in the next few months... So I'll be updating this entry more frequently the closer we get to Baby's arrival:


- Matthew gives birth: For some reason, Matthew was the pregnant one and he went into labor. There were no doctors around, so I helped deliver the baby. When the baby came out, it was Matthew youngest sister, Miranda (as a baby, of course)!

- Baby is 3-inches long: Our baby was born and I love it so much (not sure of the baby's sex)! There's a party at our house, so I was showing our baby around to everyone, but it was only 3-inches long. It was probably only 3-inches long in my dream because at that point of my pregnancy it was only 3-inches long in my belly. Because it was so tiny, I could put the baby in my pocket instead of having to carry it around. However, at one point, I got distracted and forgot that I put the baby in a box in the closet (no idea why I did that) so I ran over to make sure it was all right. The baby was safe, but when I woke up, I was terrified! I am such a forgetful person, my biggest fear is forgetting about my baby....


- I'm a Baby Whisperer: Matthew and I had two toddlers -- a 3 year old girl, and an 18-month boy. The girl ran to Matthew while I picked up the boy who was very in love me. He was blonde with blue eyes and I was holding him while I was with family. I was somehow really good with the baby -- I knew how to carry him, how to comfort him, and he cried when he was with anyone else. In real life, I don't think I'm really great with kids. I didn't grow up with many of them around, and I don't think I've ever really properly held one, so it was really strange seeing me do so well with that little boy!

- Showering in a Public Location: I'm not sure why, but for some reason, in this dream I had to shower in the middle of a Costco, while there were other patrons who obviously could see me... naked and pregnant. But for some reason, I didn't mind and was actually very proud of my body. People weren't grossed out by me either and some just stood and watched. This dream was very strange to me because I have soooo many body insecurities that there would be no way in the world I would ever be comfortable being naked in front of all those people!


(To be continued as more strange dreams happen...)







This Warmed My Heart...

(Originally posted 1/19/11)

I saw this video the other day and cried a little. Perhaps it's the preggo hormones, but I thought this was the sweetest thing ever.

Kind of reminded me of the days my dad and I would sing together while I was a little girl.


I don't know if my future baby will share in my interest of singing and music, but just in case, I think I might try to learn how to play an instrument so I can do something like this in the future...

Week 17...

(Originally posted on 1/17/11)

New format for my weekly picture updates! The "Pictures" page was becoming too crowded with all the text and thumbnails, so I've decided to remove most of the words and instead create a blog entry for every new week! Exciting, right? Yeah, not really... Anyway, here we go!




How far along?: 17 weeks, 2 days

Baby's Size: about 5.6 inches (the size of a sweet potato), and 6.7 oz

Bellybutton: Still in!

Stretchmarks: None, but I know it's still early

Maternity Clothes: Still in "regular" clothes

Gender: No idea, 2.5 more weeks until we find out!

Movement: Trying to pay more attention to any 'quickening' feelings, but haven't felt anything in a few weeks

Sleep: A-OK! Sleeping most on my left side or on my tummy.

Symptoms: Energy is good, mild headaches every now and then, and morning sickness about every other meal. Also, no matter how I feel, every time I enter a public restroom, my body has been conditioned to throw up. I try not to use public bathrooms unless absolutely necessary.

Food Aversions: Salad seems yucky to me

Food Cravings: Oranges and grapes

What I miss: I miss eating sushi -- I can't wait to have a Rainbow roll in July!

What I am Looking forward to: Feeling Baby's first kicks!

Milestones:

Matthew and I are getting closer to narrowing down Baby's name... We are down to about 10 finalists (for each gender), but we probably won't reveal anything until we decide for sure.

Also, I told 2 more coworkers about my pregnancy. I'm not really planning on formally announcing it to everyone, but if the conversation comes up organically, I don't plan on hiding it. In this situation, my coworker noticed I was wearing flats (as opposed to the heels I usually wear) and commented on them. I had to explain that family has been getting on me for wearing heels during pregnancy, so I had to invest in some flat options.

Matthew, on the other hand, has told a total of 1 coworker. I guess guys don't really talk about babies much, huh?

--------------

Since I didn't use this format prior to this week, here are the little snippits I wrote for the previous weeks:

Weeks: 8-11



Ok, so we missed a few weeks, but really my belly didn't change much the first few weeks


Week 12:


Then all of a sudden, a larger belly popped out of nowhere. All pregnancies are different, and usually women who were skinny to begin with don't start showing until week 15, but holy cow, look at me! I've had horrible morning sickness since week 5 and haven't been able to keep my food down, plus, the scale claims that I've lost some weight (from where, who knows!?) so that can't be from the food I'm consuming... are there triplets in there?!?!


Week 13:


I'm officially in my 2nd trimester now, but none of my first trimester symptoms have gone away completely...


Week 14:


Merry Christmas!!! Our baby's Christmas in utero was filled with lots of love and laughs!


Week 15:


Happy New Year!!! No better way to start off 2011 than with a Raider win! It's going to be a good year for sure :)


Week 16:



I think my morning sickness is coming to an end.. FINALLY! Did I mention that I felt "quickening" the other day?!?! Amazing...

If Filipino Superstitions Are True...


... then my baby will look like an orange.

I subscribe to the belief that superstitions are silly (sorry if I offended any superstitious people out there). Maybe it's because I grew up around uber paranoid relatives who truly believed in the things they were saying, and when I became old enough to do things on my own, I realized that some of the things I was taught to believe when I was younger were kind of ridiculous and rarely came true.
There are tons of webpages out there that list common supersitions, but here are some specific examples of the superstitions that my Filipino elders thrusted upon me while growing up:
- If your palm itches, you should buy a lottery ticket or go to the casino because this symbolizes good luck. (Personally, I think this was just an excuse concocted by my relatives to go to a casino! Ha!)
- Do not give shoes as a gift, or else the recipient will end up walking all over you. If you do give shoes as a present, the receiver must give you money in return (even a quarter will do) to reverse the bad luck
- Toss coins around your house on the day of your house warming to bring good luck and properity. (You should also do this at every new year)
- If you have a mole on your back, you are a lazy person (because you like to lay on your back)... Oh wait. I have a HUGE mole on my back and I actually AM lazy... maybe this one IS true!


Anyway, there's this one pregnancy superstition that my mom swears by -- the concept of "lihi". Lihi is basically the condition in which a pregnant woman craves strongly for something, usually food, but can also refer to pregnant women becoming especially fond of something/someone only during pregnancy.


The superstition attached with lihi is that the pregnant woman's offspring will closely resemble whatever its mother craved during pregnancy. When a child resembles an animal - for example, a monkey - it is said that during the gestational period, the mother enjoyed looking at that particular animal...


Interesting, right? Well... my mom said when she was going through lihi while pregnant with my brother, she loved jicamas, which is why my brother is so light-skinned. Disregard the fact that my mom is light-skinned... Ryan is only light because of the jicama - ha! My mom loved bing cherries when she was preggo with me, which explains why I am of a darker complexion, and maybe the fact that my face is round like a cherry!


My paternal grandmother while pregnant with my dad, continuously stared at her Jesus statue, so she believes that is the reason my dad's nose is pointy like Jesus', unlike some of his other siblings who have flatter and rounder noses. Oh - that's also why my dad has a cleft chin...



I don't believe in this superstition, but it is very intriguing to think about! Lately, I've been on an orange binge. I've eaten 3 oranges this morning alone, and everyday I have to have at LEAST one orange. (Side note: This kind of takes me back to freshman year of college when I was on a strict orange and spinach diet that I made up. I only at those two things for 3 months and lost a ton of weight.. which I gained back the moment I ate real food)


So... does this mean Baby will have orange skin? Or maybe he/she will have a round face like Mommy!


However, a few weeks ago, I was all over 2% Milk! I'd have 2-3 glasses of milk every night before going to bed... This is a huge deal for those who know me. I normally hate milk.

So, does this mean my baby will have a super round face like an orange, but white skin like milk!?! Doubt it...

But just in case, maybe I'll stare at some pictures of Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens for a while. Can't hurt, right?!

Am I Still Pregnant?

(Originally posted on 1/12/11)


Yay - after 10 weeks of non-stop morning sickness, I am happy to report that my nausea has ceased and I am finally able to enjoy food again!

*golf claps*


It's funny because a couple hours after I eat a meal, I sit in anticipation of the uneasy stomach feeling I've been accustomed to experiencing and prepare myself to rush to the restroom... but for the last few days nothing has happened! Baby is finally able to absorb all the vitamins and minerals from the cupcakes I've been ingesting... What? Cupcakes aren't nutritious? You mean I'm supposed to be eating vegetables and stuff?!?! Oh... OK... Duly noted for future meals.

But seriously, I'm happy this part is all over -- which means that sooner or later I am going to start feeling the baby kick and can start bonding with the baby in a different way...

So for now, my energy is back and my eating is back to normal (minus the deli meat, caffeine, sushi, caesar salad, and a bunch of other stuff I totally miss).

Aside from my ever-growing belly, I don't even feel pregnant anymore!!! It's frustrating actually because I'm at this weird stage where I don't look pregnant enough for people who don't already know to comment on my pregnancy in fear that they'll offend a non-preggo fatty, I don't have any of the first trimester symptoms anymore, and I haven't felt the baby move yet!!! To try to curb my craziness, I go to different baby store sites to start our registry, but then I can't add anything because we don't know the baby's sex (our appointment for that is on 2/4) so we can't pick the colors/themes for the items we plan on purchasing! I'm in a lose-lose situation here, people!


Sometimes I have this irrational fear that the baby somehow fell out and that's why I don't feel pregnant anymore... I am THIS close to calling my OB-GYN to schedule an ultrasound, but my logical side convinces me that I'm just being crazy and that I should just wait until my next appointment, which is on the 27th.

I don't like being patient. I have a lot of patience, but I hate using it.


OK - end of rant. I know my complaints are really silly and there are so much more important things to worry about in life. I'm sure in a month when the baby is kicking non-stop, climbing up my ribs, and causing me insane discomfort, I'll look back at this post and laugh at my naive little self....


For now, I'm just going to continue poking at my belly in hopes that it will elicit some sort of movement that I can feel... Wish me luck!

Boobie-do...

(Originally posted on 12/28/10)

Boobie-do: A woman whose stomach sticks out farther than her boobies do (via urban dictionary)

I am officially a boobie-do... and for the first time in my life, I can say that with pride!

Though I've always been on the heavier side, I have been blessed/cursed with an ample "rack", so achieving boobie-do status would require a lot of cheetos on my part.


For a while, I was really close to being a boobie-do pre-pregnancy, so I had to train myself to walk around with my gut sucked in constantly, while I tried to remediate the weight gain.


It is SUCH a relief not to have to worry about this anymore, though I must say it has been quite an adjustment learning to just let it all hang out...


The weirdest part of it all is that I haven't gained a single pound from this pregnancy so far! I've actually lost over 10 lbs (which none of you probably believe from the pictures.. but ask the doctor, it's true!). I know most of the weight loss has to do the morning sickness I've been experiencing (yes... I'm STILL running to the bathroom after meals) and I'm sure I'll be gaining all of it back soon enough, but what I'm wondering is why I seem to be getting lighter, when my belly is obviously getting larger! The doctors say baby is perfectly healthy, so I'm definitely not going to complain. (I've read articles about other women losing 40 lbs during their pregnancy -- sign me up for that, please!)


Anyway, the point I'm making is that I am super happy to embrace my boobie-do, as it's a constant reminder that baby is growing and is that much closer to entering this crazy world of ours.

We *think* it's a...

(Originally posted on 12/17/10)



Kudos to all of you out there who have the patience and self-control to wait until the baby is born to find out the baby's sex...



Unfortunately, Matthew and I are not patient and are dying to find out what we're having. Not that it would matter... we would love to have either and eventually hope to have at least one of each in the future. However, it would be really awesome to know if it's a boy or a girl so we can stop referring to baby as "it" and use an actual pronoun... AND so we can start buying lots of cute blue or pink clothing and painting/designing the nursery! Plus, we're having the toughest time figuring out names for this baby, and not knowing the gender makes it doubly hard since we can't seem to agree on a name for either one!


Enter, the Intelligender - Gender Prediction test:

For $29.99, you can get this over the counter test that claims to be 80% accurate in predicting your baby's gender once you're at least 10 weeks pregnant. Basically, you mix your morning urine with these chemicals that comes with the kit and wait 5 minutes. If the mixture turns a dark green, you're having a boy. If the mixture turns orange, then you're having a girl. If you go to the official website, the test was featured on a bunch of shows and seems pretty legit.


I was a little skeptical, too, but I didn't think it would hurt to do the test anyway. I promised myself that I wouldn't get emotionally invested in the results should they prove to be wrong later on... and I wouldn't start buying gender specific baby items until we get the official word from our doctor at 20 weeks.


I bought the test on Christmas Eve and did it on Christmas morning...

Wanna see the results?!?



Looks pretty green to me and totally matches the Boy label versus the Girl label!


So, according to Intelligender, we are having a BOY!!!!!


Man, I wish I knew whether this test was really accurate! I am THIS tempted to buy another test to have one of my preggo friends who knows their baby's sex test it out for themselves...


But for now, I think I'll just bask in the thought of having a mini-Matthew in my arms in a few short months :)

First Trimester Experience...

(Originally posted on 12/16/10)

As I am nearing the end of my first trimester and entering the supposed "best trimester" where all the horrible symptoms I experienced the first 12 weeks should stop, I thought it would be a good idea to make a list of all the things I went through.



I have this weird thing where I "un-remember" or delete any bad memories from my brain, and I have trouble recalling negative experiences in my life.


I don't want to forget anything about this experience though. The good and the ugly... I want to remember it all... and have it documented so that in 2 years when my baby can read (hahaha - yes - I have ambitious goals for my dear child. It WILL be doing calculus by age 5 -- jk), he/she can read about I went through and won't complain when I tell him/her to do the dishes :)

---

"On the first 12 weeks of pregnancy my baby gave to me..."

Week 3 - Positive HPT! Had to take 3 of them just to be sure...

Week 4 - Scary first pre-natal appointment! Doctor couldn't see baby in the ultrasound! Had to have multiple bloodwork done, but it was later confirmed that there was a healthy baby in my belly.


- Felt quick moments of tightening in lower abdomen, sort of like cramps, but definitely different. This was supposedly the fertilized egg implanting itself into my uterus lining.

Week 5 - First (and definitely not the last) of my morning sickness! Not able to keep anything down for the next 7 weeks. Only eating for necessity.

Week 6 - Not very many smell aversions.. only the smell of Matthew's deodorant and the stinky garage because of H&M cause me to run to the bathroom.

-Saw the baby for the first time in an ultrasound! Many tears of joy were shed in that hospital room

Week 7 - Bloating!!! Woah, I thought I was showing already and was really sad that I looked 9 months preggo at 7 weeks. Bloating would come and go this week. Jeans were definitely not zipping up - had to resort to wearing jeggings and dresses only.

Week 8 - First of the acne breakouts.. yuck! Pimples along the left side of my face (my good side, too! hmpf!). Oh, I also got a nice big one on the tip of my nose -- lovely! Thank goodness for concealer, right?

- Super tired all. the. time! Midday naps during lunch/breaks are the only thing keeping me functional.


Week 9 - Morning sickness was at the all time worse! Throwing up even when I did not eat anything. Dry heaving gave me a major ab workout! Cannot wait until this part is over.

Week 10 - Two days of non-stop headaches. Luckily, they were mild and did not bother me much, so I did not need to take anything to dull the pain. Some women experience headaches the whole first trimester, so I guess I was lucky that mine only lasted for 2 days.

- Told parents and immediate family about pregnancy! Happy times :) Waited a few more weeks to announce to the rest of the world...



Week 11 - Got a cold -- boooo! Did not take any meds, but was very worried about baby's health. I monitored my temperature every night to make sure it did not go over 100 degrees. Worst week so far of the pregnancy since I was scared everyday that something bad was going to happen to the baby.

- However, later that week I was pretty sure I heard baby fluttering around in my belly using the fetal doppler my friend Faren let me borrow. Listened to the baby for an hour, tumbling around and moving each time I sneezed! Felt better that the baby was OK, even though I did not hear the heartbeat just yet.

Week 12 - Heard the baby's heartbeat (164 bpm) and got to see it move for the first time! It was kicking and moving its arms. It was the best feeling in the world finally being able to see my little baby on the monitor. I can't believe I can love something sooo much!!! Preliminary NT Screening results turned out well.

- Baby bump arrived! Though a little on the earlier side, my belly definitely has a new shape to it.

- Thought morning sickness was getting better, but still running to the bathroom (just not as much as before).

- Had crazy dreams!!! One where Matthew was the one giving labor, another where my baby was only 3 inches long after it was born, and another where my boobs turned into solid rocks!


-----


There are still a few days left in my first trimester, and I am starting to feel more comfortable with my body and all the changes it is undergoing.

Only one-third of the way there...

Thanks for joining me in this journey!!!

The Time I Cried in the Shower...

(Originally written November 16, 2010)



I'm a crier. I cry at weddings; I cry each time I get angry, and I cry every time I watch that scene from Lion King where Mufasa gets thrown off a cliff and is run over by the stampede of wildebeast (Poor Simba).


Sometimes, when I'm asked to sing at funerals (and sometimes during a mass), I have to keep my voice from cracking because I get so emotionally invested in the song that I feel the need to cry. It's a curse -- this inability to suppress my tears. In hindsight, I laugh at myself for crying over the silliest things, but I just can't help it sometimes.


Take the other day, for example.


I was taking a shower, and decided to sing a song to help me kill time. Plus, we all know acoustics in the bathroom are the best and can make us all believe we're American Idol worthy.


I was about 7 weeks pregnant at the time and really excited about the prospect of becoming a new mama.


The song that popped in my head was, "From This Moment", by Shania Twain.


I've sung this song maybe 200 times in my life, whether it be at a wedding gig or just for fun. It has a beautiful melody and I memorize the lyrics by heart.


But - OMG - I couldn't even get through the first two lines before I started bawling my eyes out in the shower!!! It's supposed to be a song about a two people getting married, but in a different context, it can also be a song about a mother and a baby.


I was clutching my belling, with tears pouring out of my eyes, attempting my hardest to finish the song, while the shower continued to pound at my back. I'm sure it looked like a scene straight from a movie.

Every line touched my heart and I realized that this song was written for me and my unborn child (as cheesy as that might sound).

I still can't sing that song without choking up after the first few lines -- ask Matthew. I tried to sing it to him, but ended up hyperventilating after a few seconds.


Below are the lyrics, and just imagine as if it were being sung by a mother to her child. Beautiful, right?


From This Moment


From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you is where I belong
From this moment on



From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on



I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you


From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on


You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you


From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on
----

See... I'm crying again. Oh, pregnancy hormones!!!!

Faking It...

(Originally written November 15, 2010)




The first trimester is the most critical time for your baby's development, and unfortunately, lots of things can go wrong. We didn't want to tell people about our pregnancy until we got through the first three months, in case anything bad were to happen. I know for sure our parents would have been so devasted if we had to break any bad news to them, and we didn't want to cause any unecessary pain...


So for the longest 10 weeks of my life, we had to "fake it" and pretend that we weren't pregnant.


Should be easy, right? I thought it would be...

I avoided going out to dinner with friends (might have looked suspicious if I ran to the bathroom after every meal), and stayed in most of the weekends.


However, there were some events that we couldn't avoid without drawing any attention.


Halloween is usually a holiday we like to celebrate in full costume and intoxication. This year, the plan was to go to Reno with a group of friends to party at the Peppermill Hotel.


It was still way too early to tell people, so I had a dilemma: How was I going to fake drinking alcohol in front of other people AND pretend to be drunk at the same time?


I mean, as a little girl I did have aspirations of becoming a famous actress, but I'm not delusional. I know I am a horrible actress.


Here was my game plan: I would tell them that I was not feeling well that day, so I would have an excuse not to drink any shots. However, at the club, I would order "Shirley Temples" to act as "Vodka cranberries"... and I would try my best to be super outgoing... and perhaps pretend to stumble a little bit throughout the night. Also, if I needed to throw up because of my morning sickness, I can blame it on the alcohol. Perfect, right?


I think I did pretty decent that night... Granted, the night was pretty short and we spent the majority of the evening eating instead of partying (that's my kind of night!), but I'm pretty sure I didn't rouse any suspicion.


I will gladly accept my Academy Award now, thankyouverymuch!

"Morning" Sickness... ha!

(Originally written on November 10, 2010)




Whoever coined the term "morning sickness" was clearly never pregnant.

Yes, I feel nauseous in the morning.

But I also feel sick midday, in the afternoon, late afternoon, and evenings!


I remember the first meal that I couldn't keep down... It was on October 23rd in the evening after eating Chipotle for dinner. I remember feeling HAPPY and even said, "yay! My first real pregnancy symptom! This must mean it's really happening."

I'm so stupid. Little did I know that from that point on, practically EVERY meal I eat would be coming right up a few hours later. No bueno.

You all know I like to eat... I mean, come on. Look at me. I didn't get this way by exercising everyday and eating a vegan diet! Mama loves food.


It's been so sad that lately nothing I eat has been pleasurable. When Matthew and I go out to eat, I just order the cheapest and blandest thing on the menu... It doesn't matter anyway, I'll just be throwing it up later, right?


I haven't announced my pregnancy at work and unfortunately, I've been caught a few times in the bathroom by other female coworkers... I hope they don't think I have an eating disorder. If they did, they are also probably wondering why it's working the opposite direction - ha!

I am just counting down and waiting for the second trimester to begin. They say my morning sickness should start to dissapate around that time and cravings will start kicking in!


The holidays are just around the corner and I really want to enjoy stuffing my face!


For now, though, I guess Ms. Porcelein and I will remain BFFs...

Our First Scare...

(Originally written on October 27, 2010)



I am aware that as a parent, there will be many scary moments, and I will be in constant worry about my child's safety and well-being. I can somewhat empathize now with my mom, who has sometimes been overbearing with her concern, but whose heart always came from the right place. Being a mom is not an easy job, and as someone whose baby isn't even around the dangers of the outside world, I've already had my share of fears. I wish you would tell me that it gets easier, but I know it will only get tougher in the years to come...

So we went to our first prenatal visit with the doctor and though I didn't think I would be, the moment I sat down in the waiting room, my heart rate quickened, my palms became sweaty and I couldn't think straight.


I saw another mother in the corner, humming quietly to her baby in the stroller, looked around and saw a million parenting magazines and started to freak out -- just a little bit.


ME? A mom? Uh.... am I ready? Will I be any good? How do I do it? I don't even think I know how to hold one! (Seriously.)


Luckily, hubs was with me and he took my hand as he sensed my nervousness and told me not to worry about anything and that I'll be great.


20 minutes later, I was lying on the table while the doctor performed an ultrasound...


30 seconds later, he said my lining was thick (that's a good thing)... but....


he couldn't see the baby.

*record screeches to a halt*

What?

Ok, so in all fairness, I had a feeling this might happen. Because my cycle became irregular EVER SINCE we started TTC, I had a feeling we conceived a lot later than had I been on the standard 28 day cycle. Meaning, you can see a baby in an ultrasound starting at 7 weeks, but I was probably at 4...



Still.. the news stabbed me in the heart. I used everything I had in me to hold back the tears that so badly wanted to come out.


"What does this mean?" I asked the doctor. All I heard was, "...could still be too early to see the baby... could be a chemical pregnancy.. or an ectopic one... but we can't say for sure."


I was devastated... but I knew deep down that there really was a baby in there. I had dreams that I was pregnant; I felt weird stuff going on in my lower abdomen; I couldn't have made any of that up... right?


I had bloodwork done to confirm whether or not I was pregnant. I had to wait 24 hours for the results to come (OMG, the longest 24 hours ever), THEN I had to wait another 24 hours to have some more bloodwork done to test some other hormone level that should increase dramatically if indeed I was pregnant.

I knew in my heart that OUR baby was in me.... so I stayed positive....


It took FOR-EH-VER to get through the advice line to hear my bloodwork results, but when I finally got a hold of someone, she told me that I was in fact pregnant (Hallelujah!), but in the VERY early stages. They wanted me to come back the next day for one more blood test to make sure everything was developing the way it should.


Fast forward.


Two weeks later we came back for another ultrasound. I wasn't sure what to expect. Would we be able to hear the heartbeat? Would we be able to see something this time?

We sure did.


Meet Baby T: 6 weeks, 4 days and .31 inches long. Healthy and perfect.



It's Been A While...

It's been hella months since I last posted anything here... so I have lots of catching up to do. For a moment there, I started using a different blogging platform, but it was a little limiting and I missed blogger, thus my return! Anyhoo, I'll be posting some old stuff here to catch you all up!

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(Originally written on October 15, 2010)



So It Begins....


On October 10th, I took a HPT (home pregnancy test) after realizing I was a few days "late", and saw a verrrrrry, super faint second pink line if I looked at the stick at just the right angle. Hubs thought I was being delusional and that I was trying to make something out of nothing...


My birthday was on the 11th, and we decided to take another test just to confirm. I usually take the tests in the morning when I first wake up. In the previous months when the results were negative, I would crawl back into bed with Matthew and be sad for a few minutes before getting back up to get ready for work. On those days, work would be really rough. I couldn't focus on anything other than reading articles about other women TTC (trying to conceive), and hoping that even though the HPT was a BFN (big fat negative), that there was still hope I still had a baby in me.


Needless to say, taking the HPT the morning of my birthday would either result in a really GOOD day... or one of the the worst birthdays of my life.


I peed on the stick and hopped in the shower so that I wouldn't go crazy staring at the test, waiting for the results to appear. When I finished, I dried off and peeked at the test, hoping for the best but at the same time had a sneaking suspicion that the result would be the one we were looking for.


The second pink line was just a little darker than the day before, but enough to know that the test was positive.


We're pregnant


It was the best birthday present I have ever received (though the homemade video Matthew made for my 18th birthday is a very close second).


We have our little orange seed (according to Baby Center, that's currently how big our baby is) now and it feels amazing.

Sometimes, I feel tightening in my lower abdomen and my body definitely does not feel like it normally does. It's kind of weird... but at the same time really exciting that a woman's body - MY body - is capable of doing such extraordinary things, like grow a tiny human!

We have our FIRST prenatal appointment with our doctor next week and already, I have tons of questions to ask.

My goal is to be more conscious of my food intake now that I am accountable for another human being's life. Meaning... I will avoid all the foods a preggo isn't supposed to eat (i.e. soft cheeses, caffeine, etc) plus just being better with my food choices. I pretty much let myself go after our wedding and stopped caring about myself and my body. For the first time in a long time, I am ready to make a change.
It's weird -- everyone knows I'm messy and it never really bothered me much before even though my traditional mom would always get on my case about women always needing to keep a clean house... but now when I look around at the semi-mess that is our bedroom and family room, I think to myself, "there's no way I'm going to let my baby live in this mess". OMG - am I nesting already? Who is this person? Ha.
I know it's still pretty early, but so far, I love being a mom.